Policy 5.45

(post drafted in May; posted on July 23rd, 2011)

Last night before I headed to bed, I went downstairs to say goodnight to mom and was caught by the TV program she was watching. It was a current events talk show in Mandarin where they featured 3 panellists to have a discussion about the Burnaby school board’s newest proposed policy 5.45.

This draft policy is to hopefully “change the attitude” towards the LGBTQ community in schools and support youth who identifies as queer (I guess they caught on the numbers of suicides due to hate crimes or bullying towards homosexuals and wanted to do something about it). Basically, if this policy passes, the school board will include a section in the elementary school curriculum where teachers are required by law to teach kids what each of L, G, B, T, and Q means.

I knew it was a dangerous thin line I was treading when I stayed and watched the whole debate with her. There I was, sitting less than 3 feet away from her and holding a very different opinion and view on gays than her own. In a Christian household, homosexuality is something that we should unanimously agree on: “wrong”. Little does she know that her precious little daughter is hiding in the closet. Well, sort of. It’s a little complicated. Regardless, the topic is incredibly sensitive. During the entire show I was desperately hoping she doesn’t ask what I think. She would nod and agree vocally with the host, panelist, and the audience calling-in to the show.

How do I tell her that I disagree with the majority of conservative Asian parents in her generation? How do I tell her that I play on the same team? She’s already mad enough as it is when she found out I voted NDP in the latest election that won Harper a majority government.

The next morning, after church service, I was reluctantly pushed to a table covered in petition forms against the policy. They had been printed by the church and signed by several dozens of people in the congregation. An Elder of the church watched over me and my brother’s shoulders, aggressively urging us to put our names down on the form. I stood there, feeling nothing but panic. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. As more urging came from behind me, I picked up a pen slowly. It was as if I was going to sign my life away. I stared at the paper and started to read the statements opposing the policy. I looked at my brother, and he seemed hesitant as much as I am reluctant. I lowered my pen at the lines in slow motion and waited desperately for something to take me away from the table.

I was lucky to have escaped the signing when my mom called for us. I immediately dropped the pen and pretended I had already signed the petition when I walked away. My brother followed. The Elder was hustling more people –who may or may not even have heard of the policy– to the table. I was relieved, but was the scolded by my mom when she found out that I didn’t actually sign the petition. I couldn’t! I wanted to shout. But I just kept quiet and walked in silence. Everything that happened made me despise the church more. If I didn’t before, I did now.

Eventually the policy was passed (though not before several protests against and rallies for it occurred). I had wanted to show my support by going out to the rallies, but the thought of my mom realizing I’m on the other side of the fence was too risky. I will have to continue my hiding… for now. The thing that saddens me the most is that church and home are the most suffocating places of all shelters. I can be who I want to be when I’m working on shows or involved in theatre. I can be who I am when I’m with my friends.

The theme at the Vancouver Pride this year is “Celebrate”. I wish I could…

Dear Boss,

(original post date: July 8th, 2011)

“Yes, I thought, I will make a note of that face – the face of the woman stitching a very thin, lustrous green silk at a table in the restaurant where we lunched at Vienne. She was like fate – a consummate mistress of all the arts of self-preservation: hair rolled and lustrous; eyes so nonchalant; nothing could startle her; there she sat stitching her green silk with people going and coming all the time; she not looking, yet knowing, fearing nothing; expecting nothing – a perfectly equipped middle class Frenchwoman.”

-Virginia Woolf

There were so many things I wanted to say when you handed the project over to me today. Things that perhaps I can’t articulate properly at this hour given the fact that I’ve only slept less than 8hrs in the last 2 days and I’m nodding off every now and then.

I can’t believe this is really it. So much responsibility given in trust, and so much dedication given in love and passion. With opening night upon us, all I could think about is how I’ll miss you and your laughter throughout the show. And who can resist those incredibly perfect interlocking hugs!

In the short few months I’ve (sort of) gotten to know you, I have come to adore and respect you for the wonderful person that you are. There’s just this unspeakable charm and attraction that keeps me magnetized… A touch of gentleness and a burst of confidence, all mixed in preserverance and wrapped in love. You are an inspiration, boss. I’ll see you from the other side :)

xoxo

Desperate Times

(Original post: June 19th, 2011)

calls for desperate measures. Chessy cliche, but so true when it resonates so much. The past two weeks were my breaks from rehearsal. Sure, I’m glad to have some time to relax and sleep past noon, but why is it that I feel so lonely? I have one cancelled plan after another because I couldn’t find anyone to do things with. My friends seems so busy and don’t have time to do anything, and the ones who aren’t working already have other plans. I don’t know who to call and ask any more. I would scroll through the entire contact list on my phone and get frustrated and upset (or just sad and emo). Then my night would end up here, in front of the screen that I already stare at so much. Granted, there are always things outside of this 13″ rectangle of glowing LCD to do, but I end up taking comfort in the virtual world. What can I say, it is the web that connects us.

Speaking of the web, I’m sure everyone has been reading and writing about the Vancouver riots that occurred on Wednesday night after game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Or busy posting videos and photos and identifying those thoughtless impulsive “friends” who caused the damage to our beautiful city. I am, too, as with many other Vancouverites, saddened by what happened. But I feel that this whole thing was a wicked deja vu and for the most part, am indifferent to the entire incident. This might anger you; this might make you think that I’m a selfish prick who doesn’t care about the city and its inhabitants.

Let me just say, I was a “mob extra” before. When Stuart Townsend was shooting Battle in Seattle in Vancouver, I participated in the real-life simulation of the riot that took place in Seattle in 2001 so that it could be filmed. Even though it was only “acting”, things did get a little out of hand. In the rush of the mob, my glasses fell, I lost my balance, got stepped on, and would’ve gotten more hurt if they didn’t yell “cut”. It was a terrifying experience, and I would NEVER want that to happen to anyone. So maybe I am just in denial that itactually happened… in the city that I live in and love. Maybe I don’t want to believe that people who caused not only property damage, but damage to Vancouver’s reputation, are a mere six-degrees of separation apart (friends of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend’s). Maybe I don’t want to recognize the fact that there is an ugly side of people, and they make the world a scary unsafe place when woken up from its deep sleep. Maybe I’m just too wrapped up in myself to do anything about my city.

I’m sorry, Vancouver, I’m still dealing with myself and reeling from the effects of discovering who I am. My head’s stuck so far up my arse that I’m more worried about how I’m going to spend my last two days off before working (volunteering, rather) for 15 days straight.

Time to Revamp Myself

(Original post date: June 6th, 2011)

Wow, I let time pass by too quickly before I write more posts. It’s almost another month since my last post, which was about my graduation screening… Now my film’s on its festival circuit (well, hopefully) and my summer’s kept busy with volunteer stage managing gigs with local theatre companies.

Honestly I did draft up a post on May 16th that I was very eager to post because it concerned me a great deal. But since it’s so personal, I didn’t want to put it out before it’s ready. And getting it ready is taking a long time. I think I’ve been putting it off because I am dreading dealing with it. It’s hard when the subject of your writing is politically controversial as well as being close to the heart.

Another reason -and I don’t mind if you want to slap me for this, that I’ve been delayed in putting out any writing, is that I finally got a twitter account… Yeah, jumped on the social media bandwagon. For what it’s worth, I don’t know how I feel about it yet. I like that I am up to date with the going-on’s of my favourite musicians, but at the same time it’s like the whole world is throwing their one-cent at you and everything’s revolving too fast for me. I guess I have to start admitting that I am getting OLD. Technology is going to outlive me! That’s why it’s time to update everything me. That means my websites, my resume, my credentials, and my blogs (I’m thinking of starting a new blog to focus specifically on GLBTQ issues) all need a make-over. Gotta start marketing and make a name for myself! God knows it’ll pay off and come in handy one day.

Last but not least, I’ve dedicated my writing time (however little it has dwindled down to) to write a short story based on my hopeless and loveless romantic life. So far it’s at 4 pages, and as I continually to be inspired by what I see, the story is ever evolving into a satisfactory piece of fine writing (at least I think so).

Okay, there you have it! And I thought it was gonna be a quick update… I guess with the next post coming, this one could count as short :P

Graduation Screening

(Original post date: May 12th, 2011)

Less than 3 days ago, the graduating SFU film class of 2011 debuted 16 short films to the public. These short films are what we’ve been working on for the past year, and essentially they are the culmination of our training for the past four years.

Nerves were more at play than excitement. Indeed it is incredible to see a packed theatre with people eager to see our work. What would be more incredible is if I saw more familiar faces; face that I’d recognize. Sure, I’m disappointed that not more people came to show their support. And when it comes to these “artsy” things, I’m not one to convince people to come. I believe that if one truly wants to see my work, I wouldn’t have to waste my breath or use my words to persuade them to come. The only thing I would really need to do is to tell them about the event in detail beforehand.

Anyway, when it came time to the screenings, I wasn’t at all nervous. Nor excited. I had seen the film so many times that it’s starting to lose its punch. And the people who I wanted so very badly to come see it wasn’t there, so there was nothing to be nervous about. I was confident enough (in my work) to be able to strut around the venue without being a wreck, though there were definitely last-minute bustling around. Overall the crowd reacted well to the film -there were lots of praises!- and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Thanks for those who spared time in their evening to check out what we’ve been labouring towards. Much love and gratitude in making this a pleasant experience. As for those who didn’t make it… well, I don’t know what I can say to you. But I don’t blame you. Getting people to come out to see “art” is hard enough as it is, let alone put you through 4 hours of it… Then again, the loss is yours for not having been enriched by our creativity :P

Short Changing: SFU 2011 Grad Screening

(Original post date: April 15th, 2011)

This is what I’ve been labouring towards lately (please watch it in HD!) The 2011 graduating film class shows off our work on May 5th and 6th! Come check it out :D

Short Changing: SFU 4th-Year Film Screening

May 5th and 6th, 2011
7pm at Djavid Mowafaghian Cinema

SFU Woodward’s
149 W. Hastings St,
Vancouver

sfugradfilm.com/​ for tickets & more info!

Tuesday Afternoon

(Original post date: April 12th, 2011)

My blog posts this year have become so …I don’t even know how to describe it- in terms of content. Almost to the point of embarrassment, really, to even tell people that I do keep a blog. Most of the posts in 2011 are those of reflection… maybe it’s the mood I’m stuck in ever since the new year set in that made me contemplative most of the time. Or maybe I’m finally realizing that I’m getting older by the day and will soon hit the quarter-century mark (in 2 years’ time)… Perhaps I’ve become more selfish. As much as growing up has opened my eyes to the world, I’m still very much focused on myself. Figuring out who I am and how I fit in has never been this difficult a task until the recent realization that I have a slight romantic distaste for men. Well, not all the men, and not all the time.

I digress. It’s a big set of doors that I’d rather not get open.

Yesterday I was at school for a good chunk of time. But for the good 10hrs I was there, I had probably only done 2hrs of work at the most. What did I do most of the other times? Watch Youtube compilations of couples in TV Shows. Callie and Arizona, specifically, from Grey’s Anatomy. If I’m lucky enough to have a tenth of what they have, I’d be a happy person.

Speaking of happy – I don’t know what it means to be happy anymore. I am generally a “meh” or sad, especially at night. I go through my entire contact list and won’t have someone I could call up and just talk (granted, this was close to midnight, so the people I’d go to are probably sleeping). I don’t talk to my family when I go home. I take comfort in the world of internet, as sad as it is… what the hell is going on with my life!?

The World and Me

(original post date: April 9th, 2011)

Lots of things are happening in the world lately what with US government shut-down controversy, Japan earthquakes and tsunami, and the minority government re-election in the homeland… But lots of things are also happening in the micro-world of mine. In this new digital age, I’ve seem to shortened my attention span. I lose interest in reading long articles that are of the informative nature, watch videos half-way through, can’t focus on completing one simple task and would move on to something else or get distracted.

I suppose this is the problem a lot of kids today have. No doubt it’s giving parents headaches. I mean, while I recognize that it’s an alarming issue, I don’t know what I can do about it other than the good ol’ will-power to restrain myself. Since my attention spans have gotten shorter, so have the thoughts that linger in my head. They come and go really quickly, and if I don’t grasp it right then, I may never find it back.

[insert case-in-point tangent off on SFU LipDub happenings. 15mins later: I'm back here, pondering exactly what was the point I was trying to make]

I guess all it comes down to is that because my world is a little crazy at the moment, I can’t process other worldly information (that might be of importance but would require investigation and understanding). The good news is that once my world is not so insane any more, I’d start to pay more attention, probably. I am at picture lock with my grad film. So that means I finally move onto sound work! And I’ve just finished one short documentary as a final project for another class. I was very proud of myself I managed to make it somewhat decent! Things are certainly coming to a close now that the semester’s over, but I am still functioning in post-production mode and handling full work-loads.

Today in the Burnaby Newsleader (our local newspaper), I read that an online identity is like a tattoo: even though it is in the cyber world, it can leave a long-lasting mark if not maintained properly and carefully. The metaphor struck me. Everyone has, to a certain degree of prominence, a version of themselves on the internet. But I would think that those images of us would be the best ones we present. Because, let’s admit it, we are intelligent animals with egos. We’d go at lengths to let others know about our accomplishments. Who really wants to create bad impressions? So I’ve never thought about the negative consequences of poor choices that reflect in the images of us on the interwebz. Maybe because I have none -or so I think- I’ve neglected to see the other, ugly side of a virtual identity. Or maybe it’s because I still approach every bit of information I receive from the internet with skepticism.

Whatever may be the reason, this “good” and “bad” stuff is purely objective. I think what we can do is create the best representations of ourselves on the ‘net. When I say best I do not wholly mean “positive”, I also mean the most accurate reflections of our own uniqueness. That is the only way we can do ourselves justice.

Next to Never

(Original post date: April 3rd, 2011)

Have I told you that I’m writing a story? I can’t remember if I did. I am becoming very inconsistent with my posts, and even more inconsistent in my stream of consciousness when I’m writing here.

I told a friend who thought I had a crush on her about my actual crush tonight. I had avoided the topic because there really isn’t anything to say about it. It was a non-existent friendship and more of a acquaintanceship. I may have made the wrong moves and it might have forever jeopardized our chances of getting together. It seems like I’ve always unconsciously pushed my crushes away. Either I come on too strong, pushed too hard and sounded too desperate. Oh, my unrequited love.

And now for something nostalgic: I went to the Karaoke with my English-speaking friends today, and this song wasn’t on their playlist — No, I’m not directing this to anyone; if I did it’d be crush-suicide and my chances will literally be next to never! Heard it on the radio recently and I just love this song so much…

I'm a T-Rex

(original post date: March 10th, 2011)

Today started off in a strange mood. I ran to work because I’d missed the bus when I waited for my breakfast to heat up… it was a 13-hr shift, no less, and I had every intention to be mentally prepared. But I was late and it took me a while to pull myself in to the right head space.

Nothing felt “right”. I was agitated, restless in the heart, and just wasn’t in it. I spent the whole day wondering what was wrong. I worked with admirable people, hung out briefly with friends during my meal breaks, and cherished the moments with the people I love… seems like a perfectly enjoyable day to me. Then it clicked: friendships. That’s what’s fucking me up!

Ever since that incident last winter I haven’t been able to get over the “friendship” thing. Granted, everyonechoses their friends – intentional or not. We all have certain people that we “click” with, and others who we wish were our friends but are “too good for us” or “out of our reach” (…which is ironically much like crushes). Then there’s also a difference in the weight each person places on the friendship. How much I value you doesn’t guarantee that you value me as much as I do, therefore resulting in disappointment or even hurtfulness (again, much like romantic love).

I have been known (or maybe I just think it’s out there) to take my friendships too seriously. I love my friends. I treat them all real nicely – perhaps too generously, and I sometimes re-prioritize my to-do’s so that friends-related events float to the top. And sometimes (all too automatically), I expect them to do the same sacrifices… which is unreasonable to ask, I may realize afterwards, only after sadness caused by disappointment. And then I find myself in this continuous cycle of fresh friendships. It’s like I’m having multiple short flings that come in waves. Once they pass they’re tossed away and I welcome new ones.

There are few friendships in my life that I’d call long-lasting. Most of those I used to know in school have lost contact (pffft, facebook doesn’t count), and lots of people I worked with are now “colleagues” or mere acquaintances, not friends. (Yes there is a difference.) So when there are so few that I can keep going back to and that they’re busy when I need them, I find myself searching for fresh new ones to talk to. Not that it’s a bad thing, but somehow this seems to happen a lot. Old, close friends would be too busy for me, so these new friends who haven’t gotten tired of me are willing to hang out, discover who each others are and explore the world together as new friends. (I mean, everyone can use a beer buddy or two, right?)

Which brings me to my real point of reflection: I seem to butcher my friendships. I don’t know if I am doing this purposely, but somehow and for some strange reason I can secretly sabotage what I’ve started to build with my new friend… thus causing total destruction of said friendship. Well, I may not have concrete evidence on which to base my theory, but I’d like to take girl-crush A and her friends into consideration… then again, that might have been a totally different situation, being my girl-crush and her friends being my girl-crush’s friends…

Or, I am just bad at picking who I want to stick with. Those I want to hang out with are SO DIFFICULT to get in touch. It’s like they dropped off the face of the earth. And as much as I want to give up trying, I just keep at it because it’s the only trace of friendship I have left of them. Then the ones I do get in touch with are sick of my constant nagging, stories and the struggles I face. I am starting to wonder if I was built for long-lasting friendships, like how I started to wonder if I really couldn’t do ONS instead of saying and believing I can’t. I mean, how will you know unless it happened? I have yet to find someone with whom I can simply sit in silence AND enjoy that silence.

Now, back to my strange day of reflection: Even though I have a lot of friends at school, I feel as if I don’t have someone that really truly cared about me and the things I do (it’s understandable though, everyone’s engulfed in their own schoolwork). So when I got to school today, I knew that I will see familiar faces, but my heart will still be restless. I am longing for that feeling when I walk into a room where there are friends (who has mind-reading powers), will know what’s been happening in my life without saying or asking anything, nor do they pass judgment. And then they will sit in silent comfortable company with me. I can, therefore, be truly happy.

Blame Facebook

(original post date: March 9th, 2011)

I finally figured out why I haven’t been writing as much as I used to. There’s this thing called Facebook which I’m sure you’re all familiar with. Well, as much as I hate devoting my time to it, their facebook chat function has me chatting up with friends I wouldn’t otherwise have time to hang out with. So all my “written” words have been taken away to compose colloquial language! Argh, I feel slightly cheap. I keep wanting to do write more creatively (still have yet to finish that “feature” script and a whole bunch of short stories I started) and blog interestingly more often… (I think I talk about this all the time, yet nothing’s changed)

I finally hung out with my best friend after over a month of not seeing each other. I’ll admit that I was angry and disappointed at her for not being supportive enough of my film shoot back in January, so this period of falling out may have been partly intentional. I missed her birthday and her getting a new job after graduation… a lot has been going on in her life and I wasn’t there for her (not that she necessarily needed me there). But seeing her again after all this time feels different, like something’s changed.

She feels more sophisticated, but she’s still the best friend I love… I love her and I’d still call her my bestie, but there are things I couldn’t share with her because I know it has the potential to sour our friendship. Un-mentionable (yet exciting, methinks) things happening in my life that she would find uncomfortable, thus making me awkward in sharing them… and sometimes it sucks because it’s starting to become a part of my life, and if I don’t share it I’m not sharing all aspects of my life! But I love her so much that I don’t ever want to ruin what we have… Someone thought my girl-crush has always been my best friend. And after tonight I’m starting to question myself if she is… maybe I just miss her so much (and wishes that I could tell her everything) that it’s starting to drive me crazy!!!

I don’t know.

Ahhh, feelings are complicated. End of story.

Life Update

(Original post date: February 27th, 2011)

I feel like I’ve been neglecting my blog since the start of the new year. And that’s not to say I’ve lost my inspiration for writing (okay, maybe that’s part of the problem), but just that I’ve been creative in other ways. Like making a short film. Or two. Yeah, did I tell you that instead of writing an 8-page paper as the final project, I am making an “experimental documentary” for my doc theory class?

Believe it or not I am actually really excited to work on this doc… because I will be investigating the memories I have of my dad! To give you more of an idea of how this will be “experimental”, I am applying the method that Chris Marker uses in his Sans Soleil, which juxtaposes voice-over narration with images that doesn’t necessarily correspond to what is being said to create new meaning – to give an “edge” to my examination. So, so far the biggest challenge is writing this voice-over that I will use on top of some old footage I have. If that sounds confusing, basically what I am trying to achieve is to use the voice-over to make the audience relate the image to mean something other than its literal meaning. Still confused? See the film when it’s done. Maybe you’ll get it then.

Enough about that. Good thing I dropped my cognitive science class so I can concentrate solely on making films this semester. The other short, my final undergrad film, still has a lot of work to do. I’ve only started a little bit of editing. It’s going much slower than I expected… there’s so much weeding to go through (you’d think it’s easy picking out the BEST takes -but when you’re watching for performance, camera movement, framing, etc. it’s just… a lot of things to look for).

Also I would like to briefly mention my loveless romantic life while we’re here. Might as well get it out all at once. There are no leads. Well, there were. But not anymore… I’m trying to concentrate my energy on making new friends (or getting to know my colleagues/ acquaintances). But so far that’s been fruitless, too. Everyone’s busy and already has their own friends…

Time for a reality check.

New Post

(Original post date: February 8th, 2011)

My life has been kind of crazy these days… see I had drafted up this post on Jan. 16th where I was going to write about shooting my film. Now it’s a week into February and I’ve already shot my film.

Things are good. Life is a little on hold at the moment because school is keeping me really busy. I just dropped the cognitive science class I am taking this semester because I don’t think I could keep up with the materials given the fact that I have a film to work on (but I’m taking another upper division film theory class, so it’s still a full-time / 10-credit semester).

I have yet to start editing. Currently in the process of watching all my footage, labelling them and syncing up the sound files. The shoot didn’t go as well as I had planned… I missed about 5 crucial shots that I needed (which was planned, but we simply ran out of time to do). What’s done is done. Now I know how to improve and what to change for next time. (Yeah… next time… meaning there’s pick-up’s to do…)

Anyway. Lots of things coming up. I’d like to update and write more often but time and heart are tricky things these days! ‘Till next time.

2010 Summation and Reflection

(Original post date: December 30th, 2010)

If you can let go that easily, then the fault of the hurt I feel lies in myself for I placed more weight and value on our friendship than you ever did — this is how I felt for the last few months of 2010. But I’ve come to the realization (at the advice of close friends) that some friendships are disposable and rather small in significance compared to the life-long ones I should be focused on. I shouldn’t have gotten so hung up on the miscommunication, misunderstandings and general confusion that occurred. No doubt it has greatly affected my emotions, but I’ve learned to look at the bigger picture. Perhaps this is all for the better. I can’t change people’s pre-conceptions of me. I’ve got to tell myself to let things go more easily… or put less weight on my friendships and not expect so much in return from friends. (Funny, this sounds exactly like a post back in March)

While men were busy growing mustaches in November, I was running around the city catching shows – 14, to be exact. I think that was the height of my entertainment expenses this year, at $113 for tickets alone.

October had me working on 3 film shoots. I also attended my very first VIFF and pumpkin patch, and saw Chantal Kreviazuk live with the VSO.

September was a busy month. I was away for 5 days on Bowen Island shooting a film the first week school started, which was right after I went on a 4-day road trip on Vancouver Island with my family. Then I worked on another film shoot and at Woodward’s.

The two summer months of July and August were all work and not really any play. It felt like I was working full-time at our school that had yet to open then. But I did get to see Joan Jett live at the PNE at the end of August, and I managed to pass my summer linguistics class without going to 3/4 of the lectures (there goes my tuition!) OOOh, I almost forgot: I stage managed Resounding Scream Theatre’s production of Brink: a farce tragedy. And apparently I started being a fan of The Veronicas (thanks, Joyce).

May and June were chillaxing months. Except for the occasional shifts at work, shows, film screenings and a private screening of my film Straight Forward, my calendar looks pretty blank…

I think I was still finishing my video back in April. I was taking 3 classes, saw a couple of shows and attended a birthday party over which I lost a dear friend. Later in the year (just a couple of months ago) we got over it and became friends again… though I’m pretty sure all her friends still hate me.

March was a busy birthday month although I don’t think I was busy playing Santa. Other than shooting my video and school, nothing much happened.

Vancouver was decked in Olympic spirit in February. I wasn’t especially ecstatic but I enjoyed it. I went to see a whole bunch of free shows at the Place des Francophone on Granville Island. And during those two weeks off I AD’d a film.

January marked my employment with SFU Woodward’s. I also worked on a 4th-year film (I am now 4th-year myself). And it looks like I started the year on a pretty low end (re-reading my own blog posts) because I was confused and stuck between a rock and a hard place – which was the catalyst that led to the fallout between my friend and I in April.

I can’t believe this has been my year. Sounds like I’ve accomplished a lot, and time was partly wisely-spent. I feel like I should have learned a lot, too, but reading back on my blog posts, it doesn’t seem like I’ve grown much (despite making a major decision). I still get tripped by the same problems when it comes to friendship. It is not as easy as I thought… but I will continue to work on it!

Here’s to hoping the year to come be filled with laughter, joy, happiness, and spontaneity, friends!