Desperate Times

(Original post: June 19th, 2011)

calls for desperate measures. Chessy cliche, but so true when it resonates so much. The past two weeks were my breaks from rehearsal. Sure, I’m glad to have some time to relax and sleep past noon, but why is it that I feel so lonely? I have one cancelled plan after another because I couldn’t find anyone to do things with. My friends seems so busy and don’t have time to do anything, and the ones who aren’t working already have other plans. I don’t know who to call and ask any more. I would scroll through the entire contact list on my phone and get frustrated and upset (or just sad and emo). Then my night would end up here, in front of the screen that I already stare at so much. Granted, there are always things outside of this 13″ rectangle of glowing LCD to do, but I end up taking comfort in the virtual world. What can I say, it is the web that connects us.

Speaking of the web, I’m sure everyone has been reading and writing about the Vancouver riots that occurred on Wednesday night after game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Or busy posting videos and photos and identifying those thoughtless impulsive “friends” who caused the damage to our beautiful city. I am, too, as with many other Vancouverites, saddened by what happened. But I feel that this whole thing was a wicked deja vu and for the most part, am indifferent to the entire incident. This might anger you; this might make you think that I’m a selfish prick who doesn’t care about the city and its inhabitants.

Let me just say, I was a “mob extra” before. When Stuart Townsend was shooting Battle in Seattle in Vancouver, I participated in the real-life simulation of the riot that took place in Seattle in 2001 so that it could be filmed. Even though it was only “acting”, things did get a little out of hand. In the rush of the mob, my glasses fell, I lost my balance, got stepped on, and would’ve gotten more hurt if they didn’t yell “cut”. It was a terrifying experience, and I would NEVER want that to happen to anyone. So maybe I am just in denial that itactually happened… in the city that I live in and love. Maybe I don’t want to believe that people who caused not only property damage, but damage to Vancouver’s reputation, are a mere six-degrees of separation apart (friends of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend’s). Maybe I don’t want to recognize the fact that there is an ugly side of people, and they make the world a scary unsafe place when woken up from its deep sleep. Maybe I’m just too wrapped up in myself to do anything about my city.

I’m sorry, Vancouver, I’m still dealing with myself and reeling from the effects of discovering who I am. My head’s stuck so far up my arse that I’m more worried about how I’m going to spend my last two days off before working (volunteering, rather) for 15 days straight.