Blame Facebook

(original post date: March 9th, 2011)

I finally figured out why I haven’t been writing as much as I used to. There’s this thing called Facebook which I’m sure you’re all familiar with. Well, as much as I hate devoting my time to it, their facebook chat function has me chatting up with friends I wouldn’t otherwise have time to hang out with. So all my “written” words have been taken away to compose colloquial language! Argh, I feel slightly cheap. I keep wanting to do write more creatively (still have yet to finish that “feature” script and a whole bunch of short stories I started) and blog interestingly more often… (I think I talk about this all the time, yet nothing’s changed)

I finally hung out with my best friend after over a month of not seeing each other. I’ll admit that I was angry and disappointed at her for not being supportive enough of my film shoot back in January, so this period of falling out may have been partly intentional. I missed her birthday and her getting a new job after graduation… a lot has been going on in her life and I wasn’t there for her (not that she necessarily needed me there). But seeing her again after all this time feels different, like something’s changed.

She feels more sophisticated, but she’s still the best friend I love… I love her and I’d still call her my bestie, but there are things I couldn’t share with her because I know it has the potential to sour our friendship. Un-mentionable (yet exciting, methinks) things happening in my life that she would find uncomfortable, thus making me awkward in sharing them… and sometimes it sucks because it’s starting to become a part of my life, and if I don’t share it I’m not sharing all aspects of my life! But I love her so much that I don’t ever want to ruin what we have… Someone thought my girl-crush has always been my best friend. And after tonight I’m starting to question myself if she is… maybe I just miss her so much (and wishes that I could tell her everything) that it’s starting to drive me crazy!!!

I don’t know.

Ahhh, feelings are complicated. End of story.