Tuesday Afternoon

(Original post date: April 12th, 2011)

My blog posts this year have become so …I don’t even know how to describe it- in terms of content. Almost to the point of embarrassment, really, to even tell people that I do keep a blog. Most of the posts in 2011 are those of reflection… maybe it’s the mood I’m stuck in ever since the new year set in that made me contemplative most of the time. Or maybe I’m finally realizing that I’m getting older by the day and will soon hit the quarter-century mark (in 2 years’ time)… Perhaps I’ve become more selfish. As much as growing up has opened my eyes to the world, I’m still very much focused on myself. Figuring out who I am and how I fit in has never been this difficult a task until the recent realization that I have a slight romantic distaste for men. Well, not all the men, and not all the time.

I digress. It’s a big set of doors that I’d rather not get open.

Yesterday I was at school for a good chunk of time. But for the good 10hrs I was there, I had probably only done 2hrs of work at the most. What did I do most of the other times? Watch Youtube compilations of couples in TV Shows. Callie and Arizona, specifically, from Grey’s Anatomy. If I’m lucky enough to have a tenth of what they have, I’d be a happy person.

Speaking of happy – I don’t know what it means to be happy anymore. I am generally a “meh” or sad, especially at night. I go through my entire contact list and won’t have someone I could call up and just talk (granted, this was close to midnight, so the people I’d go to are probably sleeping). I don’t talk to my family when I go home. I take comfort in the world of internet, as sad as it is… what the hell is going on with my life!?