Today I listened to my favourite Mandarin pop CD by my favourite Mandarin artist, A-Mei, for the first time in three years since my dad passed away.
It didn’t become clear to me that I haven’t listened to it in such a long time. Had I been putting it off subconsciously? Maybe, since it contains the ONE song that everyone in our family would sing at Karaoke every time we go back to Taiwan.
I couldn’t help but tear up when I heard the intro. The waves flapping against the sand and the crisp piano combined with strings bring about a flood of emotions. Feelings that I have so long hoped will no longer surface. Feelings that were and still are raw and heartbreaking; feelings that I had stuffed down a bottle almost 3 years ago and made sure it’s piled deep.
But there’s always that catalyst. That one moment, one sound, one note, one word that loosens the cork that’s keeping everything tight. When that cork fails, all the unnecessary emotion swimmingly races to the top and chokes me at the throat. My heart gets shattered all over again and there’s no easy way to take a breath.
Everything hurts.
I finish listening to the entire CD and could not help but keep it on repeat. I am not sure if this is doing me any good, but maybe it is worth the pain to find out.
wow... i totally have similar experience listening to a-mei's songs. Maybe less painful and drastic than yours. But it does evoke and reminds me a place that I can never return to.
ReplyDeletesounds like you're talking about the song聽海?
mine is Open Your Eyes.
I would say.. just listen to it once awhile not repeating them. These experiences are very valuable and precious no matter even though it could be painful..