Stuck In a Rut

Recently I’ve been working on creating the website for Resounding Scream Theatre, and god knows navigating on the computer is difficult without a mouse. So I spent most of my time copy and pasting information that was already on their wordpress site. Then I wasted a whole bunch of time trying to fix their formatting issues, which tumblr doesn’t seem to tolerate. That was the most frustrating part of the process. Now I am just waiting for the artistic directors’ opinions. Then I can finally tie that loose end and focus on something else. (I created two versions because I wasn’t really sure what kind of look they wanted and asked them to pick one. So when both votes are in I’ll just make the other one my “recycle” blog).

Some other recently’s: I’ve discovered that the quality of my writing has been deteriorating. My posts don’t sound as interesting or as catchy as before. It might be just me though. Maybe the way I read things have changed (for the worse?), and maybe reading too much on the interwebz is affecting my writing. Am I imitating those writings that I find interesting? It feels like I am slowly losing myself, losing my voice and personality. Am I writing too many self-reflexive posts?

Thus I’ve become reluctant to post anything… Out of fear of disappointing myself in my own writing? Or just too tired of using all these applications/ blog hosts online? (In the short span of less than a month I’ve created 4 tumblr blogs —all of which acts as “company websites”). Or perhaps an even more sensitive reason: tired of explaining myself. Maybe I haven’t really thought my opinions through, so I don’t want a lengthy discussion while I am still forming my thoughts. Granted, there are lots of questions to be asked and things cleared up due to my ambiguity about certain issues. But whatever happened to just “taking things as is” and “no questions asked”? I guess that’s what still sets me apart from other native Canadians. The Taiwanese education system taught me to hold my peace and be quiet. We grew up trained as rabbits who don’t make any noise and take things at face value. We accept facts as they come instead of question them before we make them our own.

I may have lost the essence of why I started blogging in the first place. Am I writing for myself or for others?

Another recent big downer: I am totally broke. If it wasn’t for RRSP, I wouldn’t have a dime in my bank account… I have been spending too much when I hang out with friends. Whether it be dinner, lunch, activities, whatever… I need to cut back on food!